Built for Love Page 4

Her smile slipped. “Well...”

  “It’s not like how my mom was always kissing guys, though.”

  Oh God. How much had he seen with his mother? “How is it different?”

  “The guys, mostly.” His expression hardened. “They were gross.”

  “Jesse’s not gross.”

  “No.” He eyed her again. “He likes you. He’s nice.”

  “Very nice.” Had the men she’d brought around not really liked Cissy? “So you don’t mind him being here?”

  Kevin shook his head, looked away and asked, “Does he mind me being here?”

  “No!” She went to her knees beside him. “Jesse likes you, you know that.”

  “But‒”

  Shoulders back, she said with assurance, “If he didn’t, then he could take a hike.”

  His blue eyes, so much like his mother’s‒so much like her own‒widened.

  “But he does,” Tonya promised him. “He told me so. Heck, he’s told you so, even if he hasn’t outright said it. Why else would he want to fix up your room and take you to the drive-in and‒”

  “Because he likes you.” Kevin concentrated on the cat rather than look at her. “And I don’t want to get in the way.”

  “You couldn’t, so please don’t ever think that.” Bottom lip caught in her teeth and her brows knit together, she settled herself beside Kevin there on the kitchen floor. “How come we always end up on the floor?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, I do. You get down here to help make Love comfortable. That’s such a nice thing to do.” She brought her knees up, clasped her hands together and looked at him.

  Kevin avoided her gaze.

  “I figured we should talk.”

  He shrugged. “Okay.”

  “First, though, I’m not sure what kind of guys Cissy brought around, but Jesse would never use you to get to me. He’s not that way. He’s a really good man, because if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t allow him to be around you.”

  His brows kept twitching, but he didn’t say anything, either to accept or reject her assurances.

  “And he would never consider you in the way. You need to get that idea out of your head. In fact, I’m sure he enjoys your company.”

  Kevin looked at her like she was nuts. “He enjoys your company.”

  It hurt, but she got her mouth to smile. “Well, sure he does. I’m fun to be around, right?”

  Sounding very unsure, Kevin said, “Yeah.”

  She didn’t let his lack of conviction bother her. “You’re fun, too. And so is Jesse.”

  Kevin kept quiet.

  “I like Jesse, and I hope you do, too.”

  “Sure.”

  “But you know what I’d really like, Kevin?”

  He shook his head.

  “For you to be happy.”

  In his first real show of attitude, he snorted, glared at her with eyes gone glassy, then brought the cat a little closer for a hug.

  Tonya waited.

  “I’m happy enough.”

  “Oh, honey.” She slipped one hand around his arm and leaned her head on his wide but bony shoulder. At twelve he was still so young, but she remembered being his age, feeling all grown up, on the edge of the teen years.

  When she was twelve, Cissy had been twenty, and already a disaster. It had been difficult‒as in almost impossible‒for her parents to have enough energy and attention for them both. Always, for as long as she could remember, Cissy had needed.

  Everything. Time, attention, money, advice, understanding.

  And that had left Tonya resentful, and so alone.

  A deep inhalation helped cleanse away the memories. “Listen, neither one of us is very happy right now. We’ve just lost Cissy and‒”

  “And you didn’t like her anyway.” He breathed harder, the growing tension in his body obvious. Turning his face away, he muttered, “I didn’t like her most of the time, either.”

  Ignoring his efforts to subtly lean away from her, Tonya held tight and nodded. “Okay, that’s fair. Sometimes I didn’t like her. Often I really disliked the things she did.” Like refusing to pull it together for her son, rejecting all offers of help to get clean and sober.

  Never, not once, making her son a priority.

  “But she was my big sister, and even when I didn’t like her, I still loved her. That’s how it is with family.”

  When the cat protested, Kevin loosened his hold and let her walk away. She gave him a big-eyed look, a soft “meow,” and then went a few feet away to groom herself.

  Tonya could hear the ticking of the kitchen clock on the wall, and the stillness of the others in the living room, maybe listening in, but maybe just being respectful with their silence.

  “Mom always said you didn’t want anything to do with us.”

  Horrified, even though she’d often suspected Cissy had filled his head with those lies, Tonya whispered, “That’s not true.”

  “I know.” He stretched his legs out and put his head back.

  He looked far too emotionally fatigued for a boy so young.

  “I remember you visiting, arguing with Mom about...everything. Drugs, drinking, men.” His mouth pinched, he swallowed hard. “Sometimes about me. And I know you paid the rent a few times.”

  She’d also twice turned Cissy in to authorities for being an unfit mother. But each time her sister made promises to get it together. She’d sign up with different programs, and Child Protective Services had let her slide. Maybe things hadn’t been quite bad enough to take Kevin from her.

  But they’d still been bad enough.

  And God, Tonya had wanted to take him.

  Now she had him, and somehow, some way, she’d make him understand.

  Tonya hugged his arm a little tighter. “I’ve never done this before, you know? Cissy didn’t want me around much, so you and I aren’t as close as I would have liked. But I’m your aunt and I love you.”

  “You don’t really know me.”

  “I know enough, but it doesn’t matter anyway. If I’d never seen you I would love you because you’re a part of me.”

  He gave her such a disbelieving look.

  “It’s true,” she promised him. “From the day Cissy told me she was pregnant, I loved you. I’m sorry she’s gone, I’m sorry that I could never figure out a way to make things better, and I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. But I’m glad you’re here with me. I want you to be happy. I want me to be happy. I think, maybe if we work together and are forgiving of each other and talk‒probably a lot of talking‒we can make it happen. Don’t you think?”

  “I don’t know.” He rubbed a spot on his worn jeans. “I got dumped on you.”

  “No.” Fighting off her own tears, her throat thick and her voice cracking, she whispered, “I would have fought for you.” He needed to understand that.

  For one moment in time he looked devastated. Then he pulled up his knees, put his head down and covered it with his arms.

  He was such a tall boy, his limbs gangly, but still a boy. And now he was hers. “Kevin?”

  He held himself tighter.

  Tonya feared the worst‒that maybe he’d cry and then she knew she’d totally lose it, too. But instead, still with his face hidden, he said, “You and Jesse going to live together?”

  Her heart jumped into double time. “I’m not sure. We’re still working on our relationship.”

  “Because of me.”

  She shoulder-bumped him. “Don’t take all the credit, kiddo. A lot of it is me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She sighed. “Sometimes I have it together. And sometimes I’m just a mess.” She smiled. “But hey, I consider myself a work in progress.”

 
Finally he lifted his head. “I don’t belong here.”

  “Please believe me that you do. And Kevin, I swear, whatever it takes, I’m going to make it okay.”

  Their talk had left his eyes red-rimmed and colored his nose, but he didn’t cry. Maybe, even at only twelve, he considered that unmanly.

  Suddenly he scrubbed the heels of his hands into his eye sockets and scrambled up to stand. “I should get going.”

  A little panicked, she jumped up, too. “Where?”

  His jaw worked, then miraculously, he smiled, a boyish smile that somehow made him look very mature. “To the store to get knobs so Jesse can finish up.”

  Oh. Her spine turned to gelatin. “Right.”

  “You guys are doing so much...”

  That broke her heart, too, because they hadn’t really done much at all. “Don’t hate me for this, okay?” Letting that be her only warning, Tonya wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.

  Leaning away from her, clearly uncomfortable, he patted her shoulder. “Um...”

  “Just a few more seconds.”

  “Well...okay.” He patted her again.

  She was still clinging to him when Jesse stuck his head back in the kitchen. “You about ready, Kevin?”

  “Yeah.” As Tonya released him, he sidled out with alacrity. Jesse went with him, politely giving her the time she needed to regroup.

  After a few slow, even breaths, she felt together enough to join the others.

  “C’mon.” Brick scooped his arm around Merrily. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

  Head down, Kevin shuffled toward the door. “I’m ready.”

  Jesse gave her a long look, touched her chin and said, “Be right back.” Pulling a note with numbers on it from his pocket, he walked out with the others.

  The urge to sneak down the hall and peek was strong. Instead, Tonya returned to her kitchen chair and dropped into it. Closing her eyes, she tried to think of all that still had to be done. She’d never gone school clothes shopping with a very reluctant, unhappy boy. How was it going to work when so far Kevin seemed suspicious of nearly everything?

  Well, except for the cat. He adored Love.

  And apparently the drive-in.

  He also seemed to like his room...

  So maybe, as Merrily had said, she was borrowing trouble, making the problems bigger than they really were‒when God knew they were big enough.

  She hadn’t heard Jesse come back in, so when his warm hand covered her shoulder, she started.

  His other hand joined the first and he carefully rubbed. “You’re tense.”

  For many different reasons‒new reasons, now that he touched her. “You and Brick are so much alike. He just did this very thing to Merrily.”

  “What?”

  “Shoulder massage.”

  “He was probably just on the make.”

  Knowing he stood right behind her‒knowing they were alone‒sent Tonya’s thoughts down a different path. “But you’re not?”

  She heard his smile when he said, “Not just yet.”

  Darn. She would have loved the distraction.

  With a final gentle caress, he moved to stand beside her. “You’re okay?”

  She nodded. “Just considering things.”

  “Me?”

  “You’ve made yourself such a part of everything, of course you factor in.”

  He drew her up and out of the chair, turning her to face him and looping his arms around her waist. “Is that a complaint?”

  “Only at myself.” She leaned into him, accepting his strength, his warmth and caring. About everyone. Was she special to him? And why in God’s name was she whining about herself when Kevin had had his entire world upended? “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be mopey. It’s just that you make it all seem so easy.”

  “Apparently I’m failing, though, given everything Kevin said.”

  “You heard?”

  “Much of it.”

  Soooo... Jesse had heard her tell Kevin that she’d boot him to the curb if necessary.

  He urged her head to his shoulder and rocked her side to side. “I do care for him. You were right about that.”

  “I know.” How could anyone with a heart not care about Kevin?

  “You did the right thing. Said the right things. He needs a lot of reassurance right now.”

  Of course Jesse understood. As she kept telling herself, he was wonderful. “Thank you.”

  “Now you can reassure me.” The smile warmed his green eyes, made them darker with caring. His voice dropped, went deeper. “Tell me I’m not the only one getting in deep.”

  Matching his whisper, she said, “I’m in so deep it scares me.”

  He cupped her face, put his forehead to hers. “That’s the last thing I want, honey. Don’t ever be afraid of me.”

  “I’m not.” She forced out the truth. “I’m just a little afraid of us.”

  “Relationships have been hard?”

  They’d been impossible. “A little.” She snuggled in closer, and dared to bare her soul. “But with you, I’d really like to try.” Before he could say anything to that, she added, “At the very least I need to know what it’s like to be with you.”

  Levering her back, his expression arrested, he searched her face. “You’re talking sex?”

  “Yes.”

  His breath caught, then his arms tightened and he put his face against her neck. After a hoarse laugh, he cupped her face and kissed her. “Damn. You make me forget myself. Unfortunately the others won’t be gone long enough for everything I need to do with you.”

  How could he expect her to keep it together while he said things like that?

  “Kevin starts school in one more week, right?”

  She nodded. “Yes.”

  “Then for those few remaining days, I’m going to work on winning over both of you.”

  He didn’t need to work on her. Shoot, she was already in love. But she’d yet to meet a man keen on waiting. “You really think you can be that patient?”

  “I’m going to think of it as extended foreplay.”

  She smiled with him.

  Going serious again, he drifted his fingers through her hair. “But I’m taking off work that day, and I hope you will, too.”

  “The whole day?”

  His attention went to her mouth; another, deeper kiss followed. Against her lips, he breathed, “It’s going to take me at least that long.”

  Wow. After a much-needed breath, she nodded. “Okay.” The whole day. She could hardly wait. “I’m on board.”

  “In the meantime, we continue working out the problems. Which include...?”

  So now she needed to think‒about something other than an all-day marathon of Jesse naked. Returning to reality, Tonya put a hand to her head and tried to order her thoughts.

  Jesse watched her as if he wanted a list, so she mentally ticked off some of her priorities.

  School was in the top ten. “He needs school clothes. A haircut. I need to rearrange my schedule because I don’t want him home alone afterward, at least not for a while.” When Jesse started to speak, she rushed on. “I know he’s twelve. I was babysitting at that age. But he’s‒”

  “A guy who needs you.”

  “Yes.” Did Jesse need her, too? More likely it was all one-sided. She needed him, in so many different ways that her independent nature wanted to rebel.

  But more than that, more than anything, she valued the strong shoulder to lean on.

  “Mind if I give a stab at the haircut?” He ran those strong fingers through his dark blond hair. “I’m past due, so I figure I can take him with me, introduce him to my barber and all that.”

  “I’m sure that�
�d make for an easier transition. I don’t think he’s ever been to a barber. My sister just cut his hair.”

  “Not uncommon.” His grin went crooked, adding to his charm. “My mom always trimmed mine when I was younger, too.”

  “I know. And I thought about giving it a try, but if I mess it up‒”

  “You are far too critical of yourself.”

  She drew out her chair and sat down again. “Believe me, he’s got enough going on without having to possibly deal with a bad haircut from me.”

  “I guess you’re right.” He teased her, saying, “Maybe someday you can practice on me. I wouldn’t mind.”

  She stared at him, at that sun-streaked hair, and damned if she didn’t get a little warm just thinking about it. “If you’re really that brave, then okay.”

  “Shopping decisions are all on you.” He, too, sat. “But if you want, I’ll go along. Assuming he’s like most guys, we can break up the very painful process with lunch, maybe an hour in the arcade or something.”

  So many things he said and did gave her great insight and made her love expand. “You think it’s very painful, but you’ll do it anyway?”

  “For you.” He reached across the table and took her hand. “For him.”

  “You really are terrific.” So terrific that she wanted to keep him‒forever. No way could she tell him that, not right now. So instead she gave his hand a squeeze and shared a very sincere smile. “Thank you. For everything.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  THE ROOM TURNED out perfect‒in every way. The loft bed provided extra storage room that Tonya never would have had otherwise. Beneath the bed Kevin had not only a chest of drawers and a functional desk, but the coveted nook for Love.

  Kevin liked it. The cat liked it.

  Tonya was left speechless.

  The once-crowded room now looked custom designed for a growing boy.

  No one looking at it, complete with a favorite pet, would guess at Kevin’s background. Tonya hoped it would help him to forget‒or at least be better able to accept the future.

  “This rack,” Jesse said, “is for hanging anything from a jacket to a ball bat or...whatever.”

  Would Kevin want to get involved with sports?

  With Jesse encouraging him, she believed he would.